Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)

31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Friday, December 18, 2009

I can finally talk about it...

I am hurt.  I am angry.  I am disappointed. 

Someone I love, someone I thought loved me, has hurt me recently.  I knew that when I said "yes" to God about going to the mission field there would be those people who called me crazy, people who would join forces with the "naysayer" gang, people who would wonder, "what in the world is she thinking".  Knowing this, I donned my strongest suit of armour, I took up my shield and held tight to my sword, however, this person was able to get passed the armour, sheild and sword to hurt my heart.  This person is my Grandmother.

I will save you the details and the harsh words.

What do we do when "godly" women strike us down with words that only come from the enemy himself?  We pray, we love, we forgive.

I have not yet done all of these things.  I have prayed for God to work in my heart, to remove the anger that I feel, I have prayed that He remind me that judgement comes from Him only, I have prayed that His love for her come through me.  Honestly I am still waiting for this to happen, but I know that He is faithful.  I have not forgiven, nor do I feel much love in my heart for her right now.  I am hurt.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"  If only that were true.

The good news is,  I am feeling God's hand in this planning more and more.  I feel His direction coming together, I feel His presence stronger and stronger everyday.  I know that Africa is where He wants me to be.  I have a lot of friends lifting me in prayer daily, including some of you.......thank you....I feel those prayers.  I especially want to give a shout out to Amy from  Amy, thank you for writing about my daughter and I, thank you for your prayers, thank you for helping me figure out this blogging stuff, you have no idea what a blessing you have been.

I know that God is working in me, He is changing my heart, He will make all things new.

Abundant blessings,


3 Blessings said...

Thank you for the kind words. I will definitely keep praying.

We heard some terrible things when we made our announcement too. Sadly from some family members too. All I can tell you is to keep praying. It took us time to forgive too, but that is what God wants. Also, pray that their eyes will be opened to God's will and to the fact that you are following God's will. God knows your heart.

I know it is not easy, but do not become consumed by the words of are not doing this for them.

Juls said...


Hurtful words often come from a place of fear, you are her grandbaby, and no matter how old you get, what path you travel down, you will always be the baby girl that she held and prayed over. Her heart will soften in time and your hurt and anger will melt. Time is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us, with time wounds mearly become marks on our flesh to remind us where we've been; to remind us how to feel. You are a strong beautiful woman, by far one of the most wonderful women i have even met. You are a mom who is taking the step of faith to show your daughter that life is what you make of it, you are boldly going back to a place that kept a peice of your heart. My prayers, like so many others will be with you through out this adventure. Walk with peace in your heart.


Kim said...

sometimes those that love us the most will be the ones that say the most hurtful things for they know not what they do, or say, in this case.

I pray you find the forgiveness in your heart.. it will come..